Most of my days here are filled
with a mixture of joy and the realization of the enormity of suffering in this
world. Still there are times when I sit down at the end of the day and the
heaviness of the broken state of this world feels more than my joy can bare.
Sometimes it comes from seeing sickness and death. Sometimes from having the
depths of poverty screaming at me everywhere I go. Sometimes, the hardest
times, I am overwhelmed because of spiritual brokenness that ripples through
families and marriages and slowly destroys these people and relationships that
God meant to be beautiful and life giving.
Recently I had one of these moments. Many of you have heard the story of Ana and
know that I am very close with her and her family. I have struggled for the
past couple years to know what the best role for me in their lives is, and have
had to make some really hard decisions. Recently I made the decision to back
away a bit and give Ana and her siblings the chance to settle into a normal
life routine where they can know what to expect, what to call home, and who to
call mommy. This was a difficult enough task for me because I love them and
know their home situation and long to somehow fix it. I know I can’t. I also am
very aware that their parents have been known to abuse and neglect them. The
youngest is still suffering the consequences of their neglectful choices in his
health. I am comforted in knowing that the
neighbor that is currently caring for them is a wonderful woman of God and
loves these children just as much as I do. I am so thankful for that! Still
there is so much more that I know but don’t feel comfortable sharing that makes
it really difficult for me to place these children in the hands of the Lord and
TRUST that He will take care of them.
A couple weeks ago I went to visit
the kids and found that the oldest girl, Alepele, wasn’t there. I got a couple
different stories at first but it turned out that she had been sent to Kampala.
I was told she was sent there to beg. My
heart completely broke. I had trouble finding her parents to ask them about it
and make a plan to bring her home. I also struggled within myself about how
involved to get in the situation. My heart wanted her back NOW but my head was
reminding me that I chose to back away for a reason. After some time I finally
had a chance to speak with her father. He seemed to want her back as much as I
did and was willing to go to Kampala to bring her back if I had money for
transportation. We arranged a time for them to go and the neighbor that is
currently helping to care for the children went with him to ensure that the
money was used wisely and that Alepele came home.
Praise God she is now home! Our
reunion was so sweet. I cannot even begin to tell you how sweet it was to have
her in my arms again. I am so happy to be able to tell you that she is home and
safe and in school now!
Out of all of the chaos an
opportunity to have a serious discussion with their mother arose. The health
officer from the Jenga office went with me to speak to the mother and we were
able to talk to her about the nutrition of the children, her drinking, and
other issues within the family. At the end of our conversation she agreed to
going to a nutrition clinic with the youngest boy, Solomon, and to not drink during the time that she stayed with him there. This is huge. This mama has
never agreed to anything like this before! To be completely honest, every time
I go to her to ask her to work with me to help her children she tells me no and
says, “They are your children. You take them.” I was so glad to know that she
was at least willing this time to try it. She went with Solomon and from what I
hear she did a great job. We have a plan now to help the baby and the mama get
better from home and I have hope that this time she might be serious. Yesterday
I went to see them all and for the first time ever I saw her interacting with
her children like a normal, loving mother. It was so sweet. On top of that,
Solomon looked like a different child. He was laughing and playing and even
took a few steps!!! The sweetest moment was when I was holding him and he put
his hand on my face and stuck his lips out to kiss me! To see this little boy,
that formerly had no energy to even smile, give love and affection was so
amazing. I am so glad to be here to see the hand of the Lord in this family!
The quote from Ann Voskamp at the
top resonates with me so much. In the times when the suffering seems too deep
and too dark for any light or love to get through, I know that is just the
limitations of my understanding. There is a love that that can seep into the
suffering of this world and uproot it to bring redemption and restoration.
Jesus is the love that that will bring change to this place. I see it
happening. I see all of the things that I have prayed for starting to be shaken
up and moved around by the love of Jesus. For now, he has given me a glimpse of
heaven on earth and I will not stop praying and believing for it to come! Please
pray with me for these people and relationships to continue to be changed and
shaped by the love of Jesus.
Alepele and Solomon
