Y'all...leaving the mission field is hard. While yes, life does become mundane and it is not always one big grande adventure as a missionary, it is very meaningful and it is real, every day life. Mbale, Uganda is where my every day life took place over the past 4 years. Texas was my visiting place and a fun place to reconnect with friends and family but it wasn't my every day life. So now my every day life has taken a 180 and it feels like I've been hit by a train sometimes. I keep trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Ha! As if I'm going to figure that out ever, much less within a month. And to be honest, every single day I ask myself if it is really necessary for George to become a citizen and if we should really stay here. I know the answer is yes, and I know we are in the right place, and I know it will get easier! But right now it is not.
I miss Uganda a lot. I miss the slowness of life, (that I clearly remember hating sometimes. funny isn't it?) I miss the job I knew how to do, I miss the kids I left behind, and I miss all of our people. And yet I know that if we made the choice to leave and go back today I would be saying the same thing about the people in Texas! How hard it is to have two earthly homes so far apart with such amazing people in both places.
It takes all I have not to break down in tears multiple times per day. So today when I was fighting back tears, the lord brought some sweet encouragement to me.
This is his new season in my life. This is where he draws me near. This is where he reminds me what total dependence on him feels like.
I had forgotten. I had gotten pretty good at going it alone in Mbale. Now I am a fish out of water again and this is the time I get to learn again what it means to fully trust and rely on the lord for all things.
This is also a season to practice contentment. Such a simple word and so hard to honestly achieve. Contentment. I will learn to be content in every situation. To have it be enough that the Lord is good and I am his daughter! Oh to have that truly be enough for me every day. To be ok with not knowing what the future holds. To be ok with feeling like I have nothing together. To be ok with where George and I are and not be constantly comparing us to other people our age that have it much more together.
This season is new. Newness hurts sometimes. Just like new shoes can leave blisters, this new season might be a little uncomfortable while we are learning it. Thankfully the Lord is here and He is with us and he will never leave us. Praise Him!
My comfort today is the song "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong Worship.
You have no rival
You have no equal
Now and forever God you reign
Yours is the kingdom
Yours is the glory
Yours is the name above all names
What a powerful name it is, what a powerful name it is
The name of jesus christ my king
What a powerful name it is
Nothing can stand against
What a powerful name it is
The name of Jesus.
This is the God we have on our side. This is the heavenly father that we have that loves us and is with us. We will be ok. We will make it through this new season. What a beautiful name it is, the name of Jesus.
