What a Beautiful Name

We have been in Texas for a little over a month now and we are MARRIED! (That's so cool and fun to say!) And while obviously getting married and having all of my friends and family get to know George has been amazing I am also struggling. A lot.

Y'all...leaving the mission field is hard. While yes, life does become mundane and it is not always one big grande adventure as a missionary, it is very meaningful and it is real, every day life. Mbale, Uganda is where my every day life took place over the past 4 years. Texas was my visiting place and a fun place to reconnect with friends and family but it wasn't my every day life. So now my every day life has taken a 180 and it feels like I've been hit by a train sometimes. I keep trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Ha! As if I'm going to figure that out ever, much less within a month. And to be honest, every single day I ask myself if it is really necessary for George to become a citizen and if we should really stay here. I know the answer is yes, and I know we are in the right place, and I know it will get easier! But right now it is not.

I miss Uganda a lot. I miss the slowness of life, (that I clearly remember hating sometimes. funny isn't it?) I miss the job I knew how to do, I miss the kids I left behind, and I miss all of our people. And yet I know that if we made the choice to leave and go back today I would be saying the same thing about the people in Texas! How hard it is to have two earthly homes so far apart with such amazing people in both places.

It takes all I have not to break down in tears multiple times per day. So today when I was fighting back tears, the lord brought some sweet encouragement to me.

This is his new season in my life. This is where he draws me near. This is where he reminds me what total dependence on him feels like.

I had forgotten. I had gotten pretty good at going it alone in Mbale. Now I am a fish out of water again and this is the time I get to learn again what it means to fully trust and rely on the lord for all things.

This is also a season to practice contentment. Such a simple word and so hard to honestly achieve. Contentment. I will learn to be content in every situation. To have it be enough that the Lord is good and I am his daughter! Oh to have that truly be enough for me every day. To be ok with not knowing what the future holds. To be ok with feeling like I have nothing together. To be ok with where George and I are and not be constantly comparing us to other people our age that have it much more together.

This season is new. Newness hurts sometimes. Just like new shoes can leave blisters, this new season might be a little uncomfortable while we are learning it. Thankfully the Lord is here and He is with us and he will never leave us. Praise Him!

My comfort today is the song "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong Worship.

You have no rival

You have no equal

Now and forever God you reign 

Yours is the kingdom

Yours is the glory 

Yours is the name above all names

What a powerful name it is, what a powerful name it is 

The name of jesus christ my king

What a powerful name it is

Nothing can stand against

What a powerful name it is

The name of Jesus. 

This is the God we have on our side. This is the heavenly father that we have that loves us and is with us. We will be ok. We will make it through this new season. What a beautiful name it is, the name of Jesus. 

Prayer Request!

Hey everyone! I'm back and I have a HUGE prayer request to bring to you today.

George and I got our initial approval for his fiancé visa from USCIS. (YES!!! Praise the Lord!) Now we are waiting on the NVC to process our case and for us to get an interview date before he can get his final approval and the visa he needs to travel.

We would really love to fly on December 27, 2016 and get married on January 21, 2017, but we will only be able to do that if we this process moves along and we get an interview quickly.

I know it may seem a bit premature for us to have our hearts set on these dates, but we believe that our God moves mountains! Will you please pray with us? We could use all the prayers we can get.

We will make sure to keep you updated on what is happening. Many of you have been such faithful supporters and prayer warriors. I know that this journey finishing well will be as much of a victory for you as it is for us! Thank you friends. We love you and can't wait to see you!

Coming Home!

Well folks, It has been a crazy couple of years! My life has been changing in ways I definitely did not see coming. My brother got married and he and his wife had a baby. My best friend Krystal had a baby. People I thought would never leave Uganda decided it's time for them to go home. It has been crazy. To top it all off, I'm engaged!!! Really didn't see that one coming! If you had asked me in January of 2015 (when I first came to Jenga) what I thought my life would look like now, this would not be it. But I am so glad this is what I have! I wouldn't trade all of this crazy for the world.

My fiancé George and I have had to make a lot of hard decisions about where we will live and what we will do and how we will make this crazy wonderful cross cultural relationship work for us. This is hard. We will most likely never have both of our families living in the same place. We will always have to choose a family, choose a culture, choose a continent that leaves behind a whole big group of people that we love to pieces. That is a sobering reality or both of us. We definitely did not choose the easy road. But we chose each other and this is just part of that.

George and I have decided that what is best for us now is to move to Texas and spend some time with my family in my culture. This was not an easy decision. I look at his mom and dad, his brothers and sisters and wonder how in the world we will manage to be without them for so long! I really, really love his people. They have taken me in as their own completely. I won the in-law jackpot with this family! They are my people now too and I will be so sad to say goodbye for a while. But like I said, we really believe this is what is best for us in this season. So, Texas here we come!

George and I have a few needs during this time of transition and since you all have been such faithful prayer warriors and financial supporters over the years I knew I could mention those needs here.

• Over the past year some of my supporters have had to discontinue their monthly support for various reasons. I completely understand and am so thankful for the time they were able to support me. However it has left quite a hole in my budget and I am in need of about $1,500 to be able to leave here with all of my bills paid!

• On that same note, since my monthly support dropped to about half of what it was, my "general pot" that I normally use for things like plane tickets has diminished to almost nothing. So while George and I really believe it's time to move to Texas, I'm not exactly sure how we are going to do that! What I do know is that God always provides. Always. This need will probably end up being around $2,000. 

• This one is not necessarily a need, but it is a very strong desire for both George and I. Since we plan to get married in Texas, George won't have many of his people at the wedding. We are really wanting to be able to fly about 5 people from George's family to be there for him for the wedding. I know this is a HUGE thing, but nothing is impossible with God. It will probably cost about $6,000 for us to be able to fly all of those people over for the wedding if we can find a good price. 

• Last but definitely not least, we desperately need your prayers! We will be transitioning into a lot of unknown and a lot of new experiences for both of us. We are getting married! That is definitely new! Also, we can't come home to get married until George's fiancé visa is approved. We have two wedding dates in mind that are about 6 months apart for personal reasons. We are really hoping for the first date! Please pray for a speedy approval so that we can travel and get married! 

Your prayers are so important to us. They have carried me during these almost four years of being away from home and I know they will carry us through all that is to come. Thank you for loving me so well, and for already accepting and loving George too!

With love from the soon to be Wamukota's!!!

P.S. If you feel lead to give you can find out more about making a donation Here! Thank you for all of your prayers and support.

Prayer Request!

Hello everyone! Goodness it has been a long time since I have posted a blog. I am so sorry. I'm pretty sure I have said this before, but sometimes life just starts happening and I get so consumed with living in the moment and taking it all in that I forget to blog. It's probably not the worst thing in the world, but I know that all of you care so much and want to know what is happening in my life. For that I will say I am so sorry that I dropped the ball and please forgive me!

I wish I was back to tell you something really exciting, but unfortunately that will have to wait for another time. This post is an urgent prayer request.

As most of you know, I am a missionary, totally volunteering with Jenga in Uganda. I don't get paid by Jenga at all. I rely completely on the generosity of my friends and family and church family to have what I need to live off of. Up to this point I have never had to worry about money. I have the support of so many of you and I am incredibly grateful for that!

Recently some of my wonderful long term monthly supporters have had to stop their monthly support. I completely understand that circumstances change. I am so thankful for the time they were able to support me and the love and prayers they have given me over the years.

Unfortunately this means that I am receiving $300 less monthly than I previously was. This is huge here in Uganda! My monthly rent and utilities are just under $300 each month.

Could you pray with me? I have full faith that the Lord will provide. He has shown his faithfulness and his provision to me time and time again. But right now, I am looking at all of my bills and my dwindling account and getting a little nervous.

Please pray that the Lord would renew my faith. Pray that no matter what, I would be teachable, and trust that He is with me. Practically, please pray that God would soften the hearts of people to give. Pray that He would meet my financial needs in miraculous ways. Pray that every need of mine would be fulfilled by Him, and that this would be a testimony of His goodness. Also pray that I would be even more wise in my spending and in my giving.

I also would love prayer for the children that are counting on my support for their education. I have been so blessed to have the means to give and I sincerely feel that the Lord called me to each and every one of the children that I pay school fees for. I can't imagine that He would be calling me away from that. Pray that I would have the means to continue supporting these children, or that the Lord would bring about other sponsors if that is his will.

Thank you so much for your prayers and for standing with me in this time. I don't know what I would do without prayer warriors like you!

Blessings to each of you, and happy summer! I promise I will do my very best to post a much more exciting or lighthearted blog soon. Y'all deserve it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s funny being in a country where Thanksgiving isn’t celebrated. It’s quite a bit harder to be in the Holiday spirit! Strangely the lack of Holiday spirit makes it easier to remember the true meaning behind the holidays and I find myself constantly thinking of things I’m thankful for in my life. (Unfortunately this also tends to bring about waves of homesickness for me. Having two homes is bittersweet.) I thought I would take time to share about what I am most thankful for this year and hopefully get you thinking about all of your many blessings as well!

I am thankful for My God. This week I have felt the acceptance and unconditional love of the Lord more than I have in a long time. Some current events in my life have made me aware that I carry unbelief and mistrust more than I thought. In the mercy and kindness of the Lord, I have been reaffirmed through the blessings he has given me recently. Blessings that I think I had just concluded would never come to me.

More than that, I have felt the blessed assurance of salvation. It comes over me in waves. With each new day and each new experience I remember that it is all worth nothing compared to love of my savior. I have all of these amazing new blessings in my life and when I think about them I can easily be overcome with fear of what would happen if I lost them. Still the lord in his loving kindness reminds me each day that He will never leave me, that I can depend on Him and Him alone, and that when I put my trust in Him I will not be shaken. Oh what a comfort it is to know that regardless of circumstances in my life I have my one true love and I am held and whole. Thank you Lord for reminding me that you are the rock my life stands on. You are my fortress, my shelter, and my ever-present help in trouble. (And in abundant blessings!)

I am also thankful for friends. I have an AMAZING group of girls that live with me and just down the street from me. All of us are so different from each other but we have the most fun!  Jess, Malinda, Sarah, Melanie, and Natalie: Life would just be too boring without you. I have never laughed so much or had this much fun. Y’all are the best and I am extremely grateful for you in this season. You make the homesickness bearable and the joys of this new season of life so much more fun to squeal about. I love you all so, so much!

I also have an amazing group of friends in America that take time out of their busy lives to remain in mine from across the world. Grace and Krystal, life would be so much harder (and much more boring!) without your love and support and all of the awesome memories we have together. We are what they call “lifers” and I can’t wait to see where the future takes all of us. I love you girls!

I am thankful for the Jenga staff. I wish all of you could meet this crazy bunch of co-workers that I have! There is never a dull moment in the office and these people are rock stars at what they do. There is so much love and friendship in the office and a strong sense of community between us all. It’s beautiful and wonderful and now I’m turning to mush so I need to move on.

I am overcome with thankfulness for my family. I’m not sure if absence makes the heart grow fonder or if it just magnifies the fondness that is already there. Either way, being away during this holiday season is making me remember just how wonderful my family is. We have all sorts of family traditions that I don’t think about when they happen year after year, but are leaving a crater in my heart right now. Every one of you, on all sides, holds such a special place in my heart. You are the people that shape my life the most and your absence is felt very much right now. I love y’all!

I am thankful for my precious nephew that will be joining us in a few short months! I have tried not to gush too much on Facebook or in my blog but I am dying to meet this little guy! All I can think about is how precious Matthew was as a little boy and how many hilarious stories he gave us that we still tell. (Turn around, face the wall, shoot me! Haha! Matthew was the best.) I can’t wait to meet my nephew and watch him grow up. I hope he is fiery and fun just like Matthew but with all of Dru’s kindness and sweet spirit. Baby boy, you have an aunt Callie that has waited her whole life for you to arrive! I love you more than you could ever imagine and I am already your biggest fan. I am going to kiss your face off when you arrive so get ready!

I could go on and on about all of the things I am thankful for. I am so glad to have this opportunity to have some stillness around the holidays that allows me to reflect on the really important stuff. I hope you find some stillness in the busyness of the holidays to reflect upon all of the Lord’s blessings in your life as well.

I love you all and I am so thankful for you. Happy Thanksgiving!

Wellspring of Life

This year has been so wonderful and so healing for me. After everything that happened in 2014, I have seen the goodness of the Lord in 2015! I'm sitting here thinking back over everything He has done this year and I'm in awe. I'm so humbled by his love for me and how much he has shown me that love this year. I have every reason to be brimming with trust and feel absolutely secure in Jesus. But the struggle is real y'all.

Sometimes my mistrust of the goodness of my God keeps me from seeing everything He has done for me clearly. It fogs the truth of His goodness and His faithfulness and makes me question if He really meant that He will use all things for my good. Sometimes it is absolutely crippling. Isn't that devastating? Thankfully we have a gracious and loving father that doesn't leave us in the hard places. I find that He will use just about anything to remind me of what He has done for me and what He will do for me. I always have a choice to make. I can always choose to remember His goodness. Even if it means just repeating what He has done for me until I can believe that He will do it again!

I get to choose to remember the times I felt the most broken, and prayers I prayed that I wasn't sure were even possible. I can choose to remember seeing those prayers answered! I can choose to look at those little miracles with renewed faith and trust.

I can choose gratitude. I can choose to keep his praises on my lips. For all of the reasons he has given me to trust him I can praise him. For the prayers he has answered in the last six months that I thought were impossible, I can praise him! For being everything I need, I can praise him. When the temptation to let fear enter in comes, I pray that my praises will drown it out and send it packing. 

I am choosing to say no to the temptations of the mind and the flesh. This one is important. I have seen the damage that insecurity and mistrust can do. I have seen the danger in not believing God. I have personally hurt myself and other people by giving in to the temptation to sit in my fear. But I get to say no. When the flood of fear and insecurity comes and I have nothing left to do I can fix my eyes on Jesus and cling to his word like it's all I have left. 

I can also choose vulnerability. Because being real and honest about where I'm at is ok. It's more than ok, it's necessary. I can't invite Jesus into my deepest darkest places if I'm pretending they aren't there. I can't ask for healing if I won't acknowledge the need. I can't move forward without being completely honest. So I can choose vulnerability. I can choose community, and accountability, which are both necessary and biblical by the way. 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to guard your heart. This is one of those topics that is brought up in christian circles every time someone tries to talk about dating. Predominantly when christian females talk about dating. Everyone knows they are supposed to tell each other to "guard your heart!" but no one can really tell us what it means to actually do it. There is no step by step How-To on this particular subject. I think it applies to much more than just dating. I think it has everything to do with our relationship with the Lord. With our ability to be open and honest and vulnerable with our Heavenly Father.

There is this thing floating around Facebook about a mother who told her daughter to replace the word "Love" for the name of the guy she likes, and read 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 to see if he is someone she should be considering as a possible mate. I love it. I happen to think its great advice.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It would be nice to say that if you just pass everyone through this little litmus test it will give you all the answers, you'll be a heart guarding professional, and we can all ride off in the sunset singing. Unfortunately there will be no quick fixes and sunset singing today. Sorry.

Proverbs 4:23 says:

Above all else, guard your heart,    for everything you do flows from it.

One time I heard someone compare guarding your heart to defensive driving. Because you would never go out on the roads assuming everyone else out there is trustworthy and a perfect driver! If you want to be safe you have to keep your guard up, pay attention and trust no one. Right?

You know, it kind of makes sense to my flesh. The very words "guard your heart" make me immediately think of armor, walls and motes. But is that what God meant? Did he intend for us to make people (or Him) get past the mote and the walls just to find we have some really heavy armor on? I just don't think so. I don't think anyone talking about guarding your heart ever actually intends to make it sound like this is what it takes. I do think this is what our young human minds are left with when we don't have a better suggestion for how to go about it.

I have the tendency to play offense. I have this mentality that says "I have to stay one step ahead of you so you can't hurt me. I have to point out all of your shortcomings so you know that I will not be messed with. I have to demand to be treated right. I have to let you go before you let me go so you can't hurt me." And I justify it by telling myself I'm only "guarding my heart." (Crazy huh? I bet half of you are sitting there thinking "this chic needs help!" and the other half of you are thinking "oh god, she is inside my head...")

It's the second part of proverbs 4:23 that gets me. The part no one talks about. "For everything you do flows from it." Some versions say, "For it is the wellspring of life." Can you just close your eyes and try to picture that for me? When I picture my heart as a wellspring of life it looks like an overflowing fountain. I don't get the same picture in my head when I hear the phrase "guard your heart." Do you? Somehow we I have disconnected the two parts of this scripture.

If everything we do flows from our heart, if it is the wellspring of life...then we need a new MO on how to protect it. Read the 1 Corinthians passage again, but read it as if it is the instruction manual to your wellspring of life.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Maybe I'm the only one, but that has never been my game plan for guarding my heart. Maybe guarding your heart doesn't mean making sure it never gets broken. Maybe it means making sure your heart still overflows with love even after it has been broken. Maybe the best thing we can do to guard our heart is to keep it alive, soft and beating.

Dr. Brene Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher and she mentions in one of her Ted talks that research has shown that when we numb our negative emotions we also numb the positive ones. You don't get to pick and choose what you numb. It's all or nothing. If this is true then that means we don't get to decide what we close our hearts off to and what we open them up to. We can't change from warm and beating, to cold and dead whenever its convenient for our protection. We have to choose.

I think God had more in mind than heartbreak prevention when he told us to guard our hearts. In fact I don't think prevention was the point at all. I think proper usage and maintenance is a little more accurate. I think that placing someone's name in 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 is a great thing to do to have an honest moment with ourselves about their character! I think it is also great to do for ourselves.

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I envy or boast? Am I proud? Do I dishonor others? Do I seek myself or get angry easily? Have I kept a record of wrongs? Am I delighting in evil, or rejoicing with the truth? Do I protect? Do I trust, hope, and persevere? Am I loving well? Because if I'm not loving well then my heart isn't well. I have to keep my heart well because everything I do flows from it. It is my wellspring of life.

How is your wellspring of life right now? When you close your eyes and picture your heart as your wellspring of life what do you see? Is it still sparkling in the sun and overflowing with love? Or is it a little dry and rusty? It's ok to be honest. I think that may be a great place to start.

Remember what I was saying about mistrust earlier? About not trusting the Lord to be good and faithful? For me, this comes from guarding my heart the wrong way. From putting on armor instead of choosing trust, hope, and perseverance. When I find myself worrying about the future I often times find myself self seeking, being too proud to be honest, keeping a record of wrongs instead of rejoicing in the truth of my Heavenly Father's goodness. These things aren't really guarding my heart. they aren't protecting my wellspring of life. They are drying it up. 

These days I am practicing protecting my wellspring of life. I'm trying to be honest with my healer so that He has space to enter in and fix what is broken. I'm taking off the armor that was dragging my heart down and keeping it hidden. I'm finding that a beating heart might be scary, but it is alive and free.

Alepele and Solomon

Most of my days here are filled with a mixture of joy and the realization of the enormity of suffering in this world. Still there are times when I sit down at the end of the day and the heaviness of the broken state of this world feels more than my joy can bare. Sometimes it comes from seeing sickness and death. Sometimes from having the depths of poverty screaming at me everywhere I go. Sometimes, the hardest times, I am overwhelmed because of spiritual brokenness that ripples through families and marriages and slowly destroys these people and relationships that God meant to be beautiful and life giving.

Recently I had one of these moments. Many of you have heard the story of Ana and know that I am very close with her and her family. I have struggled for the past couple years to know what the best role for me in their lives is, and have had to make some really hard decisions. Recently I made the decision to back away a bit and give Ana and her siblings the chance to settle into a normal life routine where they can know what to expect, what to call home, and who to call mommy. This was a difficult enough task for me because I love them and know their home situation and long to somehow fix it. I know I can’t. I also am very aware that their parents have been known to abuse and neglect them. The youngest is still suffering the consequences of their neglectful choices in his health. I am comforted in knowing that the neighbor that is currently caring for them is a wonderful woman of God and loves these children just as much as I do. I am so thankful for that! Still there is so much more that I know but don’t feel comfortable sharing that makes it really difficult for me to place these children in the hands of the Lord and TRUST that He will take care of them.

A couple weeks ago I went to visit the kids and found that the oldest girl, Alepele, wasn’t there. I got a couple different stories at first but it turned out that she had been sent to Kampala. I was told she was sent there to beg.  My heart completely broke. I had trouble finding her parents to ask them about it and make a plan to bring her home. I also struggled within myself about how involved to get in the situation. My heart wanted her back NOW but my head was reminding me that I chose to back away for a reason. After some time I finally had a chance to speak with her father. He seemed to want her back as much as I did and was willing to go to Kampala to bring her back if I had money for transportation. We arranged a time for them to go and the neighbor that is currently helping to care for the children went with him to ensure that the money was used wisely and that Alepele came home.

Praise God she is now home! Our reunion was so sweet. I cannot even begin to tell you how sweet it was to have her in my arms again. I am so happy to be able to tell you that she is home and safe and in school now!

Out of all of the chaos an opportunity to have a serious discussion with their mother arose. The health officer from the Jenga office went with me to speak to the mother and we were able to talk to her about the nutrition of the children, her drinking, and other issues within the family. At the end of our conversation she agreed to going to a nutrition clinic with the youngest boy, Solomon, and to not drink during the time that she stayed with him there. This is huge. This mama has never agreed to anything like this before! To be completely honest, every time I go to her to ask her to work with me to help her children she tells me no and says, “They are your children. You take them.” I was so glad to know that she was at least willing this time to try it. She went with Solomon and from what I hear she did a great job. We have a plan now to help the baby and the mama get better from home and I have hope that this time she might be serious. Yesterday I went to see them all and for the first time ever I saw her interacting with her children like a normal, loving mother. It was so sweet. On top of that, Solomon looked like a different child. He was laughing and playing and even took a few steps!!! The sweetest moment was when I was holding him and he put his hand on my face and stuck his lips out to kiss me! To see this little boy, that formerly had no energy to even smile, give love and affection was so amazing. I am so glad to be here to see the hand of the Lord in this family! 

The quote from Ann Voskamp at the top resonates with me so much. In the times when the suffering seems too deep and too dark for any light or love to get through, I know that is just the limitations of my understanding. There is a love that that can seep into the suffering of this world and uproot it to bring redemption and restoration. Jesus is the love that that will bring change to this place. I see it happening. I see all of the things that I have prayed for starting to be shaken up and moved around by the love of Jesus. For now, he has given me a glimpse of heaven on earth and I will not stop praying and believing for it to come! Please pray with me for these people and relationships to continue to be changed and shaped by the love of Jesus.

Alepele and Solomon