Sometimes my mistrust of the goodness of my God keeps me from seeing everything He has done for me clearly. It fogs the truth of His goodness and His faithfulness and makes me question if He really meant that He will use all things for my good. Sometimes it is absolutely crippling. Isn't that devastating? Thankfully we have a gracious and loving father that doesn't leave us in the hard places. I find that He will use just about anything to remind me of what He has done for me and what He will do for me. I always have a choice to make. I can always choose to remember His goodness. Even if it means just repeating what He has done for me until I can believe that He will do it again!
I get to choose to remember the times I felt the most broken, and prayers I prayed that I wasn't sure were even possible. I can choose to remember seeing those prayers answered! I can choose to look at those little miracles with renewed faith and trust.
I can choose gratitude. I can choose to keep his praises on my lips. For all of the reasons he has given me to trust him I can praise him. For the prayers he has answered in the last six months that I thought were impossible, I can praise him! For being everything I need, I can praise him. When the temptation to let fear enter in comes, I pray that my praises will drown it out and send it packing.
I can choose gratitude. I can choose to keep his praises on my lips. For all of the reasons he has given me to trust him I can praise him. For the prayers he has answered in the last six months that I thought were impossible, I can praise him! For being everything I need, I can praise him. When the temptation to let fear enter in comes, I pray that my praises will drown it out and send it packing.
I am choosing to say no to the temptations of the mind and the flesh. This one is important. I have seen the damage that insecurity and mistrust can do. I have seen the danger in not believing God. I have personally hurt myself and other people by giving in to the temptation to sit in my fear. But I get to say no. When the flood of fear and insecurity comes and I have nothing left to do I can fix my eyes on Jesus and cling to his word like it's all I have left.
I can also choose vulnerability. Because being real and honest about where I'm at is ok. It's more than ok, it's necessary. I can't invite Jesus into my deepest darkest places if I'm pretending they aren't there. I can't ask for healing if I won't acknowledge the need. I can't move forward without being completely honest. So I can choose vulnerability. I can choose community, and accountability, which are both necessary and biblical by the way.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about what it means to guard your heart. This is one of those topics that is brought up in christian circles every time someone tries to talk about dating. Predominantly when christian females talk about dating. Everyone knows they are supposed to tell each other to "guard your heart!" but no one can really tell us what it means to actually do it. There is no step by step How-To on this particular subject. I think it applies to much more than just dating. I think it has everything to do with our relationship with the Lord. With our ability to be open and honest and vulnerable with our Heavenly Father.
There is this thing floating around Facebook about a mother who told her daughter to replace the word "Love" for the name of the guy she likes, and read 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 to see if he is someone she should be considering as a possible mate. I love it. I happen to think its great advice.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It would be nice to say that if you just pass everyone through this little litmus test it will give you all the answers, you'll be a heart guarding professional, and we can all ride off in the sunset singing. Unfortunately there will be no quick fixes and sunset singing today. Sorry.
Proverbs 4:23 says:
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
One time I heard someone compare guarding your heart to defensive driving. Because you would never go out on the roads assuming everyone else out there is trustworthy and a perfect driver! If you want to be safe you have to keep your guard up, pay attention and trust no one. Right?
You know, it kind of makes sense to my flesh. The very words "guard your heart" make me immediately think of armor, walls and motes. But is that what God meant? Did he intend for us to make people (or Him) get past the mote and the walls just to find we have some really heavy armor on? I just don't think so. I don't think anyone talking about guarding your heart ever actually intends to make it sound like this is what it takes. I do think this is what our young human minds are left with when we don't have a better suggestion for how to go about it.
I have the tendency to play offense. I have this mentality that says "I have to stay one step ahead of you so you can't hurt me. I have to point out all of your shortcomings so you know that I will not be messed with. I have to demand to be treated right. I have to let you go before you let me go so you can't hurt me." And I justify it by telling myself I'm only "guarding my heart." (Crazy huh? I bet half of you are sitting there thinking "this chic needs help!" and the other half of you are thinking "oh god, she is inside my head...")
It's the second part of proverbs 4:23 that gets me. The part no one talks about. "For everything you do flows from it." Some versions say, "For it is the wellspring of life." Can you just close your eyes and try to picture that for me? When I picture my heart as a wellspring of life it looks like an overflowing fountain. I don't get the same picture in my head when I hear the phrase "guard your heart." Do you? Somehow
If everything we do flows from our heart, if it is the wellspring of life...then we need a new MO on how to protect it. Read the 1 Corinthians passage again, but read it as if it is the instruction manual to your wellspring of life.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Maybe I'm the only one, but that has never been my game plan for guarding my heart. Maybe guarding your heart doesn't mean making sure it never gets broken. Maybe it means making sure your heart still overflows with love even after it has been broken. Maybe the best thing we can do to guard our heart is to keep it alive, soft and beating.
Dr. Brene Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher and she mentions in one of her Ted talks that research has shown that when we numb our negative emotions we also numb the positive ones. You don't get to pick and choose what you numb. It's all or nothing. If this is true then that means we don't get to decide what we close our hearts off to and what we open them up to. We can't change from warm and beating, to cold and dead whenever its convenient for our protection. We have to choose.
I think God had more in mind than heartbreak prevention when he told us to guard our hearts. In fact I don't think prevention was the point at all. I think proper usage and maintenance is a little more accurate. I think that placing someone's name in 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 is a great thing to do to have an honest moment with ourselves about their character! I think it is also great to do for ourselves.
Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I envy or boast? Am I proud? Do I dishonor others? Do I seek myself or get angry easily? Have I kept a record of wrongs? Am I delighting in evil, or rejoicing with the truth? Do I protect? Do I trust, hope, and persevere? Am I loving well? Because if I'm not loving well then my heart isn't well. I have to keep my heart well because everything I do flows from it. It is my wellspring of life.
How is your wellspring of life right now? When you close your eyes and picture your heart as your wellspring of life what do you see? Is it still sparkling in the sun and overflowing with love? Or is it a little dry and rusty? It's ok to be honest. I think that may be a great place to start.
Remember what I was saying about mistrust earlier? About not trusting the Lord to be good and faithful? For me, this comes from guarding my heart the wrong way. From putting on armor instead of choosing trust, hope, and perseverance. When I find myself worrying about the future I often times find myself self seeking, being too proud to be honest, keeping a record of wrongs instead of rejoicing in the truth of my Heavenly Father's goodness. These things aren't really guarding my heart. they aren't protecting my wellspring of life. They are drying it up.
These days I am practicing protecting my wellspring of life. I'm trying to be honest with my healer so that He has space to enter in and fix what is broken. I'm taking off the armor that was dragging my heart down and keeping it hidden. I'm finding that a beating heart might be scary, but it is alive and free.
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