Trusting God With Finances

Posts like this are never easy to write. It would be so nice to never have to ask people for money but as a missionary that is just not the reality. I have gone back and forth about what to write and how honest to be. I was encouraged today to share from my heart and to be honest about where I am at with my finances, so that is what I am going to do. I believe in being faithful in the small things, in doing what is within your power to do, and trusting God to be mighty and faithful with the rest. So I have decided to do what I can do and leave the rest up to God. Sharing this information is not easy for me. It makes me feel vulnerable more than just about anything else can!

I bought a plane ticket about a month ago on total faith that the money would come in. I only had enough for half of the plane ticket in my account at the time, and it was such a sweet blessing from the Lord that some very generous people stepped in to provide the rest. (If you haven't heard the story feel free to scroll down and read, "The story behind the plane ticket!") I got busy writing support letters and sending them out. About 300 letters later and a couple talks at church, here I am waiting for responses and for God to provide.

I had a bit of a breakdown today. For a while a steady stream of support letters were coming back to me and I wasn't worrying at all. Then they stopped. Today I just couldn't hold in all of the fear and worry anymore. One of my best friends called me to say hi and could tell I wasn't ok. She asked me what was going on and the floodgates opened. I'm so thankful for this sweet friend and the truth and prayers she spoke over me today. Sometimes it can all feel like too much.

I have raised about 25% of my monthly commitment support goal so far. I have had some sweet supporters give one time gifts too. If I were to look at the short term picture, January to June, I'm about half way to my goal with monthly commitments and one time donations combined. If I were to look at the long term goal, having a sending family that supports me monthly, I am only 25% of the way to being fully funded long term.

If I'm honest, this terrifies me! I leave in 21 days! My flesh wants the security of being fully funded. I know that God will provide and that I do not need to worry, but I still struggle daily with wanting to know when I will be funded and where the money will come from. I know that God will open the eyes and hearts of supporters, but my human nature worries that people are tired of giving. I'm fighting off lies from the enemy that tell me I can't trust God to come through for me financially.

But I know the truth!

I know that God is Faithful. (2 Tim 2:13)

I know that He alone provides for all of my needs. (Phil 4:19, Mat 6:30)

I know that God is for me, and not against me! (Rom 8:28-32)

I'm holding onto these wonderful truths and doing what I can do today. Will you pray with me? Will you give if the Lord puts it on your heart to give? Will you come alongside me by sharing this post, telling your friends, connecting me to people that have a heart to give, sharing fundraising ideas with me, or whatever it is that the Lord places on your heart to do?

I need about $2500 to feel secure for January - June. I need about 35 more people to come alongside me as a member of my sending family giving $30 a month in order to be fully funded long term. These are big goals! I know that The Lord will provide. Will you respond if you feel Him leading your heart to give? I am so thankful for your sacrifice.

I can't wait to share the story of how the Lord made a way. Will you be part of it?!



For information on giving, hover your mouse over "More" at the top left of the screen and then click on "Donations". Thank you!!

Baby!!!

Last night when I wrote November 20th I was only counting on today being hard because of the should have beens. I wasn't expecting to wake up to news that one of my very best Ugandan friends had her baby!!!

I am bursting with happiness and pain all at once right now guys. I don't even know what to do with myself! 

Look at that precious face!!! 

I have no idea if it's a boy or a girl. She told me she was having a girl, but my (amazing) friends that got the call that the baby was here told me she said it was a boy. I'm not even going to pay attention to the pink the baby is wearing. This is Uganda. That means nothing. Regardless, I am so unbelievably happy for this mama and her family!!! 

I want to be there so badly. I want to hug my sweet friend and look her in the eyes and tell her, "Well done!" She made it. The baby is here now. And beautiful! So beautiful. 

I want to hold that baby and tell him or her that they have a mama that loves them with a fierce love and an Auntie Callie that will kiss their face off every day from here on out. EVERY DAY. (So many kisses kid. Get ready!) 

I'm feeling all the feels today. Give me grace if you see me and I look like a crazy woman. I don't know what to do with myself right now. Jesus give me peace and calm. Let this time until I return to Uganda go quickly, but be spent well with the ones I love. 

November 20th

It's here. November 20th is tomorrow and nothing is as it should have been.

By now I'm sure you know that my teammates and I were brought home from Uganda early by our ministry due to fear of a terrorist group that was in the capital city. I've written about coming home a little bit. It's strange, when I first got home I was numb, but I had faith. Strong faith. Faith that my God who called me to this place I love, this place I had been abruptly taken out of, would carry me back. I was completely empty except for the knowledge of the promise that my God is who He says He is, and He says He is faithful. That was the only place I could land when I got home. Sitting in numbness but clinging to that faith with every ounce of my being. I couldn't be angry or sad. I couldn't get mad and have it out with God. That was too scary. I needed him to be faithful. I needed to still be in his good graces. I needed to cling to that faith in order to even be able to function.

I am so thankful that my first reaction wasn't to go off on God, but I have to admit that I had ulterior motives for my faith.

I wanted to go back to Uganda. I needed to be able to say "God is faithful! He will make a way!" because the alternative was hopelessness and fear. So I cried a little, but then told myself to cheer up, God is faithful.

Here it is. November 20th. If things had gone to plan I would be sorting last minute details for my house, about to get in the van to drive to the airport. I would be crying. A lot. But I would be saying "I'll see you soon!" with every tear filled goodbye. This goodbye would have been planned. I would have been prepared. The loose ends would have been mostly tied up and I would have gotten the closure I needed. Instead I'm here in Texas, wondering if the people I left without saying goodbye will ever forgive me.

It's funny that this is the week I would have been saying goodbye. This is also the week I finally broke down. The past few weeks have been building up to this. I knew it was coming. I tried to put it away again, but my loving father told me no this time.

Last week I wrote a blog about how I got a plane ticket. (If you haven't read it you need to! It's a great story of the church stepping up to be what God created it to be.) Getting a plane ticket was amazing, wonderful, perfect, and all of the other warm fuzzy words you can think of. Best. Day. Ever! It also was the day I unclenched my fists just enough for the flood to be released. That grip I had on faith could be loosened a bit because I was going back. That facade of strength that I put on wasn't needed anymore. I bought a ticket.

The three of us that were evacuated early were asked to see a counselor at the church when we returned. I love counseling. I think it is good and important and everyone should do it. It is hard to make the first move, but it is so worth it. So I have been seeing a counselor. My tight grip on faith caused us to take a detour for a while. We talked about and worked through a lot of personal areas without getting very far into the whole evacuation thing. I was good as far as that went. Until this week. Tuesday November 18th, the day I most likely would have been saying a lot of sad goodbyes had things gone to plan, was the day the grief hit me.

I was sitting there with my counselor and all of the sudden the tears and the words were pouring out of me. The implications of that day hit me like a freight train all over again. I was hearing an angry voice coming out of me as I told her about things I thought I had let go of a long time ago. I was mad. I was hurt. I was confused. I was worried. I was tired... So tired.

Those tears I had put away have resurfaced. I'm a mess. Every minute carries a new emotion, another fear.

I still have faith. I still believe that God is who He says He is, and He says He is faithful. I just know now that I can believe all of that and be angry about the way things happened at the same time. God will still be good. He will still call me His child even if I have to question him and wrestle with this.

I like to tell people, "Be who you need to be, God can handle your mess."

I'm finally taking my own advice.

November 20th probably won't be pretty this year. I'm alright with that. My emotions will be all over the place. I'll be celebrating my plane ticket and the arrival of Natalie, as well as mourning the way things should have been.

God is still good. He is still faithful, and not just because I have a plane ticket. I do not understand why things happened the way they did and I probably never will, but today I'm going to let my mess show and let my father handle it.

The story behind the plane ticket!

I posted a couple days ago that I bought a plane ticket (Hallelujah, praise Jesus!!!) but I haven't had any time to sit down and blog about how I ended up buying the plane ticket when I did. 

My parents have always been very supportive of the three of us kids and our independence. They know we love the Lord and allow us to choose where we worship from. Recently I began attending a new church. The choice to attend a different church was made for various reasons but I assure you it has nothing to do with me not loving Hays Hills. Hays Hills is my home church. My heart is there. Those people helped raise me! I met Jesus, fell in love with Jesus, and was encouraged and supported to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth from Hays Hills. I love that church! 

The new church I have been attending has a fairly large group of young singles, and I attend a small group with them. It has been really cool getting to know each other since everyone is fairly new to the area. We are all learning how to do missional community together and it has been a lot of fun. 

Tuesday night we were talking about the description of the church in Acts 2:42-47 and how to live that out. Afterwards we had a time of prayer. Since it was a smaller group and there were a lot of people I feel comfortable with, I had the courage to tell the group that the past few weeks have been really hard for me. I miss my people in Uganda and the uncertainty of exactly when I was going to return was making it harder. They prayed for me and encouraged me and we left. That simple act of prayer and their encouraging words gave me the courage to look up flights that night after I got home and I found an awesome deal. 

The flight was a bargain but it only had 4 seats left. I had about half of what I needed to pay for the ticket but knew that if I didn't raise the money for the rest soon I was going to lose that option. At about 11pm Tuesday I sent a text to four of the girls I'm closest to in the group and asked them to pray for the situation. I believe in the power of prayer and I wanted these people praying with me for this! I never expected any of them to give any money at all. 

I just wanted these girls to be praying with me, but before I knew it they had decided I needed to buy the ticket before I lost the price. One of them sent me a text that said "Get the seat!!! I'll figure out a way to give/raise $500. I can put the whole thing on my card if u need me to....and u can get me the part u have when u can..."  

After I read that my heart stopped. I had no idea what to say. That offer felt far to generous, but as someone who relies on the generosity of others to do the work that I do, I know that you don't say no to generous offers! I just sat there for a while trying to figure out what the appropriate response was. Then one by one the other girls sent messages saying they would contribute with the amount they were giving. Before I could even say anything the money I lacked was spoken for! 

I have a plane ticket!!! I have a plane ticket that was purchased on the card of a woman that I've only known for about a month. These people showed me what the church should be. They loved me well and went above and beyond to meet a need that I had. I am in awe of what God does in his people. I'm in awe of what the love of Christ brings His church to do. I am so humbled and so grateful. 

I have experienced the church the way God intended it to be so many times since choosing to follow him to Uganda. People from my home church, Hays Hills have given so much over the years. My family has committed to sacrificial monthly giving. My friends have rallied around me in unbelievable ways. I'm in awe. I am so humbled. I am so undeserving. Thank you. Thank you so much!

I've said it before but I'll say it again- I don't like having to ask for money. It's hard and it definitely isn't fun. The selfless giving that I continue to receive from all of you does my heart good. This plane ticket and the way the Lord provided for it will always be in my book as one of the ways the Lord has proven his faithfulness to me. Thank you lord! And thank you church for being selfless and obedient.

I have a plane ticket!!!!! :-D 

 

P.S.

I'll be asking for more money in the coming weeks. Unfortunately. Part of the missionary life is living off of support. I am praying that God would put monthly giving on the hearts of the people I'll be talking to. It is a hope and prayer of mine to have a family of supporters that commit to giving monthly so that the next time I return home I don't have to start all over like I have these past few times. Would you be praying with me and for me? If the Lord lays it on your heart to give monthly I would be so grateful for your obedience. If not I will be just as thankful for your prayers! 

Because I can! :-)

I'm going to tell you about some of my kids today. Because I can! No really, I get to do this and by now I've already sucked you in so you're going to read the rest of this because you just HAVE to know what I'm going to say. I know. You're welcome.

Ana

I'll start with this little princess since I'm sure you have seen her pictures and all my facebook posts. What can I say? She is my baby girl! She is a princess, a diva, and she is so smart. She shares my number one love language, which means we get lots of cuddle time and she loves to give kisses! She is stubborn and independent but loves attention. She is a nurturer so you can find her feeding her baby, telling me when and what to eat and drink, and saving her friends lives. (Yes, there is a story behind that one. I'll find the video and write a blog about it soon!) Basically she's pretty awesome. 

Did I mention she's a princess?! And oh so cute. :-)

Chede

This picture pretty much sums it up. She is my little ham. She's funny and she knows it! Also bossy just like her Mzungu mama! Usually the first thing out of her mouth when she sees me is, "I want to to go to the swimming pool!" She has a huge heart and she mothers (or bosses!) everyone. She is so smart and she's very proud of her school work. I have loved seeing her grow up! Sometimes I look at pictures from when I first met her and I can't believe how much she has changed and grown! Love this girl. 

Solomon

Can you say precious?! Solomon is friendly. I don't know how else to describe this kid. He is pretty easy going, but he can still hold his own around his sisters. This kid has some lungs on him. He can scream for days, and he will if he isn't getting the attention he wants! I hear he has started standing on his own and should be walking soon! I get the feeling he is going to be a handful when he's fully mobile! Look out world. 

Alepele 

Beautiful girl. She is a joy to be around. She takes a while to warm up to people sometimes, but when she does she loves completely. She is such a faithful caretaker to her siblings. Alepele starts school in February and she is so excited. I am too! I can't wait to see what the future holds for this strong little girl. I also can't wait to be able to have longer conversations with her as her english improves! Once I asked her if she was my first born and she looked at me like I was stupid. Then she laughed and said yes to make me happy. :-) Sweet girl. Bless her. 

Teko Brian

Look out ladies! This guy is so handsome. And he has the brains too! He is number one in his class and he intends to stay there. He wants to be a pilot someday, and fly me around of course. (Ok, maybe he didn't say that exactly, but he meant to, I promise.) He is a little quiet at first but he is so much fun once he warms up to you. He loves playing soccer and hanging out with his friends in Namatala. This is one cool kid! Looking smart Teko!


Well this is enough for today. Stay tuned for more cool people and maybe a video about Ana saving her friend's life. Have a fabulous weekend y'all!

I lost my joy

I lost my joy. I know people aren't really supposed to say that. Especially missionaries. So it may make you uncomfortable, but I'm ok with that. 

I wasn't honest with myself about it for a while. I just know I woke up one day and realized that all of these little individual things that had gone wrong and made me unhappy were part of a much larger problem. 

I realized I had lost my joy. Joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy sustains. Happiness is fleeting and deceiving. I knew this. I've known this for years. I'm a missionary! I'm supposed to know this and never ever forget it. Heaven forbid people find out I'm not perfect because I admit I lost my joy. 

James 1:2-4 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (ESV)

This is practically the missionary anthem. 

Count it pure joy when nothing works the way it is supposed to because, TIA. 

Count it pure joy when you can't get anything done due to language barriers. 

Count it pure joy when you lose an entire weeks worth of work because of rain. 

Count it pure joy when the people God sent you to turn their backs on you and accuse you of things you know nothing about. 

Count it pure joy when all of your friends move away. 

Count it pure joy when you are the friend leaving unexpectedly without a proper goodbye. 

At some point our joy gets lost in all the hard if we forget where that joy comes from or neglect The One that gives it freely. 

For me, it was a lack of Gods living and active word in my life. 

I wasn't in the word to be reminded that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." (James 1:5-6 ESV) 

I wasn't in the word to be reminded that even Paul had a thorn in his flesh. Or to understand that God chose not to remove that thorn but to give his sufficient grace instead. Oh if I had stopped to take that in. His grace is enough. It's something I say a lot. I know this truth. But the temptation to believe the lie that God's grace was for someone else grew too strong when I wasn't in the word to read the truth. (2 Corinthians 12)

Not only did I lose the ability to accept the grace extended to me freely, but eventually I started forgetting how we received that grace altogether. 

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:1-10 ESV)

What a thing to forget. It's devastating what a lack of truth in our lives can do. We rob ourselves of our joy when we disconnect ourselves from The One who loves us with a fierce love. The One that supplies and sustains our joy. 

Praise God for his relentless love and pursuance of our hearts. 

I was in a really dark place y'all. I believe that God used me despite myself in this time, but I know I missed out on so much. I know I don't have to share this story. Some might even say I shouldn't have. But I believe that God can and will use it for His glory. That's worth the risk for me. 

I returned to the word. I returned to The One who holds my joy, and I found it in nail pierced hands waiting to receive me with love, mercy, and grace. 

Return today friend. He is waiting for you with those same hands. 

Ni Wewe Baba

And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. (Matthew 5:36-37 ESV)

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15 ESV)

It was Monday afternoon. I was with Jennifer, the Ugandan leader of Amina. Our kids were all playing together outside, we were trying to get work done between having to put the kittens back outside and talking about the various people and things that were sick and broken. We were making plans for the next 2 1/2 months. They needed to be firm plans. 2 1/2 months felt like a blink of the eye compared to everything there was left to do. We had a full schedule the next day and 2 1/2 months was finally starting to feel like just enough time. I don't know why I remembered on that particular day, but I finally gave her the gift she had been waiting for from me. She cried and I cried and we talked about how God made the body and community to be this thing that glorified him in the way they love and serve each other. I told her that she loves and serves so well. She thanked me for loving them. I told her it's only because of the love of Jesus. We cried and hugged some more. Our kids were suspiciously quiet and it was getting late so I told her I would see her the next day and reminded her of all the things to do before I got there. Then I left. 

6pm Monday we were told the threat was too great and we would be leaving Uganda within the week. We were not allowed to talk about it with anyone until after we left. 

7pm we were told it would probably be about 4 days before we left. 

8pm power went out. 

9pm we were told there was a change of plans and we had less than 12 hours to get packed and out of Mbale. 

9:30pm internet and cell phone service went out. 

Midnight we finally decided to try to go to a friends house to book our flight. It failed

3am I gave up trying to book flights. 

5am it was finally booked by one of the dads. 

8:30am we got in a van and left mbale with no return in sight and having said goodbye to only a couple close friends. 

Looking back on Monday afternoon I can see countless blessings from The Lord. Little ways, and big ways, that he prepared my heart for what it couldn't see coming. I am forgetful. It has been almost a month since I decided to give her that gift but I kept forgetting. There is no reasoning to why I suddenly remembered and had it with me Monday. God just knew that would be the last time I saw her this year. Jennifer is also a very tough lady. Tears aren't something she shows easily. I was surprised by her tears that day and the outpouring of emotion and love from her. I will be grateful for that moment forever. God gave me the sweetest gift when he allowed us to tell each other how much we love, respect and value each other for seemingly no reason. 

It hurts me so much to know that Tuesday she expected me and I wasn't there. I pray that someone has explained things to her by now and that she forgives me for leaving her with a task that must feel impossible to accomplish alone. I pray she reads my letter soon and believes me when I say that she can do this without me. She always could! Our time together was rich and full of learning and change for the good but she is capable of leading those ladies by herself because she serves a God that is all powerful. I pray that she is filled with motivation courage and determination instead of feelings of defeat. This is her moment to let her light shine and show everyone what The Lord can do through her. I'm praying for the strength for her to take it. 

There are so many things left undone and  unsaid. All three of us girls will grieve over these things in different ways for the weeks to come. This is not how any of us imagined leaving. This is not how any of us wanted it to end. I personally would do anything to go back and finish what I started. This is hard and painful. My heart is broken and my eyes hurt from crying so much. 

But there are countless gifts from God that I can see now that were given to me in the week before we left. People that I saw that I hadn't seen in a long time. People that I spoke to on the phone. Things I was finally able to do and places that I visited for the first (and last) time in a while. God knew and he held my heart and gave it gifts long before it broke. He is still holding it even if I can't feel it and he will give me gifts and healing along the way. I know and trust this because of the gifts he has already given. 

My baby girl Ana sang "Ni Wewe, ni Wewe Bwana, ni Wewe, ni Wewe Baba" all the way home on our 10 minute boda ride Monday. It says "you are my God, you are my father." God was using my precious 3 year old little girl to make my heart remember that he is my God and He is my Father. So I will follow in my baby's footsteps and sing Ni Wewe Baba every time my heart hurts. My father gave me such good gifts to prepare me. I can trust that he will heal me too. 

It's been way too long friends!

Once again, allow me to apologize for my infrequent blogging. I am bad at this. Plain and simple. I get busy with life and totally forget to pop by here and give a quick update. I'm sorry. Without further adieu, here is what the past couple months have been like...

I just love the messages on the back of Ugandan taxi vans. Look carefully. God's Bressings to us all!

Jinja sailors club was so much fun. The desserts were amazing and the T-Rex photo opp was an extra bonus! Thanks Natalie and Tiffany! That was such a fun time. (Yes, that is me posing under the T-Rex as if he is about to eat me. Yes, I am apparently still 12. But it was fun!)

Visiting Mama Flowers' new house! This mama has worked so hard to build this house for her family. We are so proud of you and so happy for you Margaret. Your new home is beautiful!

Meet my new friend Patricia. Patricia is one of the most joyful and sweet young ladies I know. She is always very helpful when I need translation help in Namatala also. Love you P!

Wedding time!!! This girl is finally here! Thank you Lord! We are having the time of our lives!

Roommate pic! Don't we look fabulous?

Love this girl! So glad God saw it fitting for us to spend this year here together. She is a gem!

Lilly did an amazing job walking in the introduction with the other young girls. And she looked awesome doing it!

This guy. <3

Isn't he handsome?! And he has brains too ladies! Number one in his class every term. What a catch. Too bad he's not allowed to date until he's 30!

At least he won't be going on dates with anyone other than me. Don't we look smart?! I'm a very lucky girl!

Karamoja!!! We went to Moroto this time and it was beautiful. I will write another post about Karamoja soon. 

Goodness this little one is cute! And that door is small. Smaller than it looks. They all laughed at us as we walked under it. I'm fairly certain they were placing bets about whether or not we would all make it!

I'm not sure who this is exactly but she was around the whole time we were with Isaac and Akuu's family. She is beautiful and wearing the traditional karamojong jewelry. She graciously agreed to a photo with me and loved seeing herself! I want to be friends with this one. 

Do you remember that baby girl? The little one in white is the sweet girl that had to go to the nutrition center last year. She is doing so well! She is growing slowly, but I can see a big change developmentally! Way to go mama! Thank you Hilda for loving and supporting this sweet mother and her precious baby girl. Hilda is always telling me that what I did for them is truly a ministry. She is forgetting something through. What she did for them is being the hands and feet of Jesus. She loved them well, took them in, encouraged the mother, played with and loved on this sweet girl, and is seeing them though to the end. That is truly a ministry. Thank you Hilda!

New Backpacks! The Children got new backpacks while the team was here. My friend Grace and her husband Travis raised money to buy them nice, sturdy backpacks from America. They love them! As you can see from this picture they put them on and wore them around for the rest of the day. Thank you so much Grace and Travis Keas! The kids love their new backpacks.

Party!!! We decided to have a simple housewarming party for Mama Flower and her family when the whole team was here. It was so much fun! We baked cookies and they popped popcorn and we had sodas and listened to Margaret tell stories all night. It was a blast and well worth getting stuck in the mud later that night. Thats a story for another time!

2014 Team! Y'all were a joy to have in our house. Thank you for loving the people of Uganda well! 

Mommy

She calls me mommy now. Sometimes she still calls me Callie. But at least half of the time now she calls me mommy. When she is sad, tired, hungry, hurt, needs some loving, or just really happy she calls me mommy. 

The first time I noticed it I had a decision to make. Do I let her call me mommy? For a while I fought it and would say, "What is my name? My name is Callie!" to try to encourage her to keep calling me Callie. 

On my birthday she was really sick. She wouldn't let me put her down at all. When she finally did lay down it was under the condition that I would be next to her and touching her. When I thought she was finally fully asleep I decided to get up and try to shower. I was wrong. She immediately started crying, saying "mommy!", and reaching for me. She stopped crying as soon as I was back at her side rubbing her back. That was when I gave up fighting it. 

At that moment I was the only one around to take care of her. I was the one comforting her while she was in pain. I was the one worrying about her. I was the one by her side praying for relief from her sickness. 

This morning, a woman that helps us around the house said, "It is good to be a mama. I know that you are a mama to Ana. You are loving her and caring for her like a mama does." I was talking to a friend today and she said, "A mama is someone who protects and cares for you...seems like that is you." 

Right now it is. 

The thing is that even though she can't say it, Ana knows she has a lot of mommies. She has her biological mother who for some reason or another won't take care of her right now. She has Annette, the neighbor that graciously took her and her sister in and loves them so well. She has me. Someone who was placed in her life for an amount of time that only God knows, and refuses to give less than her whole heart. 

If God allows me to become her mommy forever I will be the happiest woman in the world. But if this is temporary, if I am here to be mommy for a season, she is worth the heart break. 

Ana is happy and healthy. She is growing, learning, loving, playing, and thriving! Is this confusing for her? Maybe. Is it wrong to be loved so well by so many people? I don't think so. 

I'm not walking away from these babies. Even if it turns out that it isn't possible for us to be a forever family, we will still be family. They are stuck with me now! 

So she calls me mommy. With so much joy, fear, trembling, and prayer... I'm letting her. 

I'm sorry!

So I realize it has almost been two months since I last posted a blog... I am so sorry. A lot of real life has been lived and that is why my social media life has suffered! Let me catch you up...

My Sweet friend Katie Sandy offered to take pictures of the Amina Jewelry and got a few of Ana and I in the process.

Isn't she cute? Isn't our jewelry fabulous?! The rest of the pictures haven't come back to me yet but I will share them when they do!

This picture is great. Like I-want-to-put-in-the-center-of-our-living-room-in-a-frame great. Meet Jimmy. He is one of our night guards from our security service. He is our favorite. Clearly Jimmy would never let anything harm us on his watch. We are safe. Thank you Jimmy!



Okiror Bosco's mom produced! Bosco now has a sweet baby sister. She hasn't been named yet, but I'm pulling for Callie!



The I Choose You kids are basically on holiday now! This is great because we get to play more and work less. I can't wait for next week! I am hoping they will all come to work with their mothers in the mornings and I can hang out with them!



Aren't these two girls cuties? They are best friends, and a load of fun and sass! I love these girls.



This little creature ended up on our gate a couple weeks ago. I don't do creepy crawly things, especially when they are slimy.  Ick.



It decided to come out and say hello! Gross!



Do you see the cloud sitting on the mountain?! The picture doesn't come close to capturing how cool it was. We love our mountain!



I am from Texas, and in my family we get new dresses every Easter. My baby sister bought Chede and Ana these cute dresses for Christmas and I knew they would make perfect Easter dresses. Aren't they cute?!



Last November when Darby and I were at the Bethany Lutheran Christmas Market A very sweet woman gave me this tutu for Ana. I finally let her wear it the other day!



 I don't have the contact of the lady that gave us the tutu, but if you're seeing this thank you! Ana loves it!



So if you didn't see the facebook post, Ana has been using water and coke zero bottles as baby dolls. I mentioned it on facebook and got overwhelming response! A woman form my home church generously offered to buy Ana a baby and found one that isn't white and already bought it and gave it to my mom to send with the team! I am so humbled. A sweet friend in town also offered to give Ana a baby doll she had.



Here in Uganda, women tie their babies to their backs to carry them. As ana was playing with her baby she took one of my scarves and held up her baby to me and asked me to help her tie it on her back!




Here in Uganda women also hold their babies on their backs without anything tied to them. They let their babies sleep this way while they work. It amazes me. Ana decided her baby needed to sleep like this too.

Thank you Valerie and Katie for the baby dolls. Ana is so loved by so many people. I am so thankful for your generosity!

A few things pictures can't capture...

Every day in town I get the typical, "Is that your baby?" question from people. Sometimes, the way they ask is just too hilarious. My favorite up until recently has been, "Eh! Mzungu, you have produced a very black baby!" but there is a new favorite now. The other day as I was getting on a boda someone said, "Mzungu, how you born black baby?" The best part is that they were 100% serious and expecting an answer! Sometimes people will ask me if her father is black african. I have come up with many responses in my head, but I fear none of them are approriate to actually say. The one I am tempted to answer with every time is, "No, he is Mzungu! We don't know what happened!" I have to bite my tongue every time. (I. Am. So. Funny!)

I wish I had pictures for proof of what I am about to tell you but I don't. You are going to have to believe me that this is true. 

I always thought that if you wanted to transport a cow you needed a trailor or something like that. I was wrong. Other acceptable means of trasporting cows around here are: Holding it across your lap on a boda (motorcycle taxi), tying it to the back of a boda, or putting it in the back of a truck and tying all four legs to the sides of the bed. Yes, I have seen these in real life. No, I'm not lying. 

This is hard for me to admit, but I missed a once in a lifetime opportunity. I was in Namatala the other day and passed a herd of cows standing on and around a trash pile. Now this isn't anything out of the ordinary except that when I looked again I noticed that one of the cows was on the very top of the dumpster, holding its head high and observing its kingdom. You have to understand that there is a huge mound of trash on the ground, a dumpster on top of that, and another large pile of trash on top of the dumpster. The cow was on top of the pile of trash in the dumpster. He was king. And I missed the photo opp. I will live with regret for the rest of my life.

On a slighlty more serious note, Emily and I have been working on getting our home ready for the team that is coming in May. I am really pleased with how it is looking and I am so excited to host my friends and family in it!

We are both very excited about some new things happening in I Choose You and our plans for the time we have with the team. I can't wait to share more with you!

Now you have a glimpse of the past month or so! I promise I will try not to take this long to write again. 

Love yall!

~ Callie

Praises!

You know those sink or swim moments in life? We have been having quite a few of those around our home lately. A lot has happened and it has been stressful and emotionally and physically exhausting. Praise God for his mercy and grace in our time of need. Praise God for his wisdom and love. Praise God for his blessings in the midst of great trial. 

While I have had to take on quite a few new roles and a bit more stress lately, God has been faithful to provide friends to help take care of me. It is such a blessing to have friends that can and will stand in the gap for me when I need it. Sometimes I don't even have to ask. 

Today was one of those days that could have been awful and completely draining, but wasn't because of good friends that took over and handled things for me when I most needed it. I am so thankful for the way I was taken care of today. God is so good to provide in my time of need. 

Let's praise God today for who He is. Let's praise Him for loving us. Let's praise Him for saving us. Let's praise Him for his mercy and grace and countless blessings!

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Lord, do I seek.” Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for The Lord!" (Psalm 27:1-14 ESV)

Sin

Sin. 

No one can escape it. There was only, and will only ever be, one man that managed to live a life completely free of it. (Ecclesiastes 7:20, 1 John 1:8, Romans 3:10, 2 Corinthians 5:21, 1 Peter 2:22)

No matter what it is. The very first sin you commit separates you from God. (James 2:10, Romans 3:23)

The way back to God can't be earned.  

Take that in. 

There is NOTHING YOU CAN DO. 

Devastating? 

No! Just the opposite. God is so loving that he sent the way to us freely. 

Freely. 

Now take that in!

The way back to God is completely free. 

His name is Jesus. (John 3:16, John 14:6, Romans 10: 9-10, Romans 1:16, Romans 6:23)

Now if all of our sin separates us from God and the only way back for all of us is Jesus why do we judge, label and condemn? 

Have you ever been in a situation where you desperately needed someone to hold their tongue? You knew what they had every right to say but hoped that they would choose to speak love and life instead? 

I have. I'm sure I'm not alone. 

Grace. Mercy. 

They are precious things. 

If Christ can extend it to us shouldn't we extend it to others? 

The God of the universe finds it in himself to forgive our sins with amazing grace and mercy. 

Who are we to not do the same?! (Matt. 6:14-15, Mark 11:25, Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:12-14)

I have found myself and the people around me in situations in desperate need of grace and mercy lately. I've had moments where I needed someone to speak life and love instead of what we were all thinking, and what I surely deserved. 

I've seen the effects of careless words and harsh reactions about the mere prospect that someone had sinned. 

Are we so great that we can't humble ourselves the way that Jesus did to forgive and speak life to someone in need? 

Lord let me never forget how disgusting of a sinner I am. Let me never forget that it is only by the blood of Jesus that I will be able to stand clean in front of you at the end of my days. 

Friends, can we make an effort to remember that we have all sinned and are in need of forgiveness? Surely some sin will be more apparent than others and the effects of sin may show differently in all of us. But let us never forget that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  

Not only the drunk. 

Not only the unwed mother. 

Not only the prostitute. 

Not only the thief.

Not only the murderer. 

Not only the abusive. 

But all. 

Me. 

You. 

All have sinned and fall short. 

Thank you Jesus for the cross. Thank you for your blood that covers sin. Thank you for the amazing gift of grace that I could never earn or deserve. 

Thank you Lord!

Note** Please do not hear this as an excuse for sin. The worst thing I could do is make you feel like you have an excuse or free pass to sin. Sin is horrible. It separates us from God. The bible is clear that without true repentance we will not inherit the kingdom of God. If you are struggling with sin the bible is clear that confession and repentance are required of us. Confess your sin to God and to a brother or sister in Christ that can hold you accountable. Then repent of that sin. Turn completely away from it and with the power of Christ leave it behind. No you will not be perfect in this but the bible is clear that to continue to sin in the same way can lead to being handed over to that sin which can lead to serious consequences. Through prayer, accountability, and the power of the Holy Spirit you can turn from sin and we should all strive to flee from it daily. Let's lift each other up and encourage each other to turn from our sin. Not condemn each other. 

Comments are always welcome. Discussion is great, division is not. Let's encourage one another here please!