Saying Goodbye

I can't believe the last thing I wrote about was Tom. That seems like it was so long ago. Tom is doing well now. When we left he was back at home and beginning to move around. We even got a smile out of him a couple times, and we both got to hug/hold him before we left. I had really hoped to see a fully recovered Tom before we left but I know that he is in God's hands and there is no better place for him to be. (I keep saying that. It's the truth and it's something I need to be reminded of on a daily basis.)
The last few days were filled with tying up loose ends, (as much as we could) and enjoying the time we had left in Uganda. We checked on old wounds and finished cleaning some of the newer ones. We took every opportunity available to love on the kids in ichooseyou and the kids in Namatala. We tried to better understand where some of the people are coming from and how they ended up in the situation they are in. I finally can say that if you put me somewhere in town and told me to find my way back to mama's house I could do it. It may take me a while, but I could do it.
Saying goodbye was so much harder than I ever could have imagined. To be honest, in some cases I just didn't do it. I couldn't. On our last Sunday it was extremely hard for me to focus in church. Lord forgive me but I couldn't help but look around the whole time and try to take it all in one last time before we left. Church was extra long that last Sunday. We sang for well over an hour. Both times. Ha ha. While we were singing I was soaking it in. Trying to remember how it sounds and what it felt like so that I would have that memory to go back to on days like today when I just want a little piece of Uganda again. During Sunday school I held Chede and just watched the kids. I loved seeing the joy on their faces and the love they have for the Lord. I couldn't help but notice how the ichooseyou kids have this extra sparkle in their eyes that is unmistakeably hope. As I looked around and saw all of the children, ichooseyou or not, I saw the need of the people and I saw Jesus. I hope that every single person in this world gets the opportunity to look into the face of a child in need and see the love of our savior. I have had the blessing of seeing that love in hundreds of little precious Ugandan faces and it is priceless. After church, It was time to say goodbye. There was one goodbye in particular that I had been dreading and I knew I had to do it. Elizabeth came and found me and we went to find Teko together to explain that I was leaving. He didn't say anything when she told him, he just looked at me with those big beautiful eyes and held onto me very tightly. I cried and held him and told him that I loved him and I was coming back and to do well in school and trust the Lord and do the right thing always. I knew he didn't understand me but I couldn't help it. I tried to look at him long enough to get the picture of his face clearly engraved in my mind. I wanted to squeeze him tight and not let go but I felt like his tiny little frame would break in my arms if I hugged him too hard. I knew that holding on would only make letting go harder so I said I love you one last time and then said goodbye. Just before we left I got to hold our sweet little miracle baby, Loru, and kiss his face off. I know he was only letting me hold him because I have blond hair like his Mzungu Kady does but I liked it anyways. After I put him down and said goodbye to his family we went back to mama's house. We had lunch and rested a while then decided it was now or never. It was time to go into Namatala and say our goodbye's there. I don't even know what to say about this part except that it was hard. Very hard. There is something about walking through Namatala for the last time and having a chorus of children chanting "mzungu" behind you for the last time. There is something about smelling home made alcohol and immediately praying against the alcoholism that infects the lives of the people of Namatala for the last time. It was hard and overwhelming. Not to mention having to say goodbye to the people and the children that we grew to love while we were there. Saying goodbye to Chede and her family was awful. At first it seemed like she didn't understand, and honestly it would have been easier that way. I had brought a few pictures of us together from last year so that I could find her easily. I already have these pictures at home and didn't need the ones with me so I decided to give them to her so that she would remember me. When I handed them to her she lit up! She loved them and she couldn't stop looking at them. Then after a while something happened, something clicked and she looked back at me and I knew she understood that I was leaving. She started crying and I started crying and for a moment I didn't think I was going to be able to make myself leave. We took pictures of me with her family and I held her and kissed her and we said "I love you" to each other over and over. She kissed my cheek and I thought I was going to die. Finally I looked at Paul, Kristyn, and Glenn and told them that if we didn't leave right then I wasn't ever going to leave. I put a crying Chede down and walked very quickly back to the car crying. Kristyn still needed to say goodbye to Masse and we both wanted to see tom and the rest of the family before we left so we headed that direction. I honestly don't know how to describe what happened there. Irene, the sibling that is in ichooseyou, wouldn't come say goodbye. She couldn't stop crying and I guess she didn't want to be crying when she said goodbye. Kristyn and I both tried to get her to look at us and give us a hug but it didn't really work. (we got half hugs) Then Kristyn took pictures with the family, said goodbye to Masse and we left. We both cried all the way home. About 45 minutes after we got home we got a call from Paul. Irene had walked all the way to Mama's house and he had found her outside the gate. He couldn't get her to go home and it was dark so he asked us to help. We went out there and gave her real hugs and then she agreed to go home. Paul walked her most of the way home so that she would be safe. Kristyn and I love Irene and did spend a lot of time with her because of Tom getting sick and the ichooseyou homework club, but her reaction to us leaving startled me a little. I wasn't expecting it at all. I don't think it really had so much to do with the fact that we personally were leaving as it did with the fact that she knows her life would be much different right now if it weren't for ichooseyou. Her family is in a big mess that is going to take a lot of work and determination from her mom to fix, but she has been blessed with the opportunity to make things different for herself and you can see it in her eyes that she knows. Our homework club allowed us to get to know a lot of our kids a lot better and make bonds with them by teaching them and believing in them enough to require their absolute best. Like Irene, a lot of the kids that need help don't have someone at home helping them with homework or even making sure that it gets done. It spoke volumes of love to them for us to check their homework and make them re-do the wrong answers. (even if they didn't necessarily enjoy spending the extra time to do it right.) I'm so glad we got to have that experience and love our kids in that way. I hope that in the future I get the opportunity to do it again.
I didn't really get to say goodbye to anyone else. I am sort of glad it worked out that way. I don't think I could have handled many more goodbyes. Although we did get to tie up a lot of loose ends we left a lot of things unfinished. I wish we could have had more than two weeks with our homework club. Some of the kids that are struggling are so close to getting it. a couple more weeks with them would have made a world of difference. A couple different families that are in a big mess were just beginning to see that making a few small changes would have a big impact on their families well being. It would have been nice to be able to make sure that they understood and watch them actually make the changes. But like I have been saying and need to continue to say, They are in God's hands and there is no better place for them to be. So that was our last few days in Uganda. I can't believe it's over already. It seems like just yesterday I was writing that the trip was never going to be here and I hoped the time would go by faster. I guess it's time to start saying that about next year now... ;-)