I remember the first time I saw her when I arrived this year. She was laying outside of her house next to the neighbor woman who was cooking. I greeted her and the neighbor told me she was paralyzed from the waist down. I prayed for her and tried to hold back tears as I looked into her beautiful and tired eyes. I tried to get as much information as possible from the neighbor but the language barrier made it nearly impossible.
I asked a friend from the office, also named Rose, to go and check on her for me and find out what happened. She came back to me and said it was HIV. Rose had stopped taking her ARV's and was really sick. She didn't have family around and her husband had left her so Rose (from the office) and I decided to help her. We made a list of things to buy for her so that she could feed herself and we talked about discussing her health with her. Rose (from the office) went to town and bought all of the things we decided on and when she went to give them to her she was told she had gone to the village. We decided to wait a while and see if she returned, there wasn't much else we could do...
She never returned. Rose passed away over the weekend.
I have no idea what this is that I'm feeling right now. Maybe it's sadness over the loss of a neighbor. Maybe it's anger that sin brought this horrible disease into the world and it has taken yet another life. Maybe it's grief because I'm not certain that she knew Jesus. Maybe it's guilt knocking on my door saying I could have done more, should have done more. It is probably a combination of all of those things wrapped up in a numbing shell.
I wish I had more time to sit with Rose, and the language resources to actually be able to have a conversation with her about Jesus. There are so many thoughts that have gone through my head today about what I don't know and what I would have done differently had I known how little time She actually had left.
When I sat to write this tonight all of the thoughts and emotions you could think of flooded my mind and I couldn't even begin to think of what to write. Then a quiet voice said, "It doesn't have to be eloquent. You just have to tell her story. It's a story that needs to be told."
HIV is a nasty disease. It is best friends with shame, another nasty disease, and together they are lethal. Shame moved into this country along with HIV and said that if you got it you deserved it and you were wrong. It didn't take into account all of the innocent people that contract the disease from trusted spouses, abuse, or parents. It tried to cover the fact that Jesus had paid for all sin, even sin that leads to HIV. It just moved in and silenced people enough to kill them.
I don't know how Rose got HIV or why she stopped taking her ARV's. I probably never will have answers to those questions. Maybe it was shame, or maybe she was just tired. I wish I could rewind to January 10th when I first saw her and spend more time with her. I hope she knew Jesus and is sitting at his feet, 100% free of HIV and shame. I hope she got to say goodbye to her children and grandchildren if she had them. I pray that anyone suffering from HIV would send shame packing and choose to live in the freedom of Christ. I pray that His kingdom would come on earth as it is in heaven and that HIV would just be something you read about in history books one day.
Pray for Rose's family. Pray for me. Pray for everyone else in the world suffering from this terrible disease. Jesus come quickly.
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