She Calls Me Mama...and other good gifts I may never get over

I took Chede swimming at Mount Elgon hotel last weekend. It was amazing. She was terrified of the water but loved being in it as long as she was in my arms. She eventually loosened her grip around my neck and splashed around some. She even let me teach her how to swim for a while! We ordered pizza (which she did NOT like) and chips, aka french fries. She ate an entire plate of chips by herself and loved every minute of it!
We were walking to the pool chairs after getting sodas and I wasn't holding her hand because I had the drinks. My friend Paul had come with us to help me translate since she doesn't speak English very well. Paul loves to Tease Chede, and I don't remember exactly what he was doing but he was teasing her somehow and that's when she said it. She called me mama. Now she and I both know I am not her mom. She has a mom that loves her very much and tries to care for her as best as she can. I don't know why she decided to call me mama for the first time right then but it startled all of us a bit. I brushed it off thinking maybe she just didn't know what else to say (she has a hard time remembering my name) and didn't want to just call me Mzungu in front of everyone at the pool. The day went on and I took her home. I saw her in church the next day but she slept through the whole thing. She cried when I left her at the end of church, which is something she hasn't done in a long time. We both left and I didn't see her again until this Sunday.
Yesterday at church I held her as usual and she slept through most of church, as usual. When she woke up she started acting a little strange. She wouldn't let me put her down, she had to be touching me at all times, and she would be awake for a few minutes and then fall asleep for a few minutes. When the food was served we had to sneak through the line before everyone else and go into the church where the mzungu food was being served because she wouldn't let me walk away from her. I went and found the jaja that lives next door to her, and she told me that Chede was sick and they thought she had malaria. That explained the neediness so I let it slide and kept her with me while I had lunch in the church. Finally, it was time to go. I took her outside to the jaja and when I put her down the waterworks began. I'm not talking about just a few tears either. Chede was sobbing and saying, "mama, mama..." and reaching for me. Everyone around was laughing and teasing me saying she wanted me and I was her mama, but it was breaking my heart. If anything ever happened to her parents I would be her mama in a heart beat, but she has parents and I am not her mom. I know she knows I'm not her mom and I know that she would be devastated without her real mom but it carves a small hole in my heart every time I hear her say it.
I love my baby girl more than I thought would ever be possible. I am honored that she loves and trusts me enough to call me mama! I hope she knows that no matter where I am physically I am always loving her, missing her and thinking about her. I hope she knows that my heart lights up every time she calls me that, or shows that she loves and trusts me in the things she does. Mostly, I hope she knows that I am so proud to be her second mama. She is my first baby girl and I will love her forever! There are some gifts God gives us that we will never get over.

Since we are on the subject of having children, there is something you all need to know. I now have 50 of them. That's right, I now have 50 children. Ok, I don't actually have 50 children, but there are 50 kids in ICY and I will claim each and every one of them! Sometimes I will be on a boda in town and see a group of my kids. They yell and wave at me and the boda will say "Are those your kids?" and I just smile and reply, "Yes they are!" One day I was on my way home and had to ask the boda to stop so that I could break up a fight between some of my kids. Rocks in the hands of 10 year old boys that like to tease girls is a bad combo. Especially when the girls they chose to tease don't mess around! Today I was on a boda on my way to the homework club when I came across a group of my girls walking. I had the boda drop me there and walked with them all the way to mama's house where we do homework. Along the way they were fighting over the spots next to me and holding my hands while each giving their own version of what happened last week when I didn't show up at the homework club (because I was moving) and jaja (different jaja, the maid at mama's house) told them I had gone back to America. They each gave their own dramatic rendition of what Jaja said and how they reacted. I was in heaven. I felt so loved by my girls and I took joy in loving them right back. We did homework and played and took hundreds of pictures and loved on each other all afternoon. Just when I thought there couldn't be any more love in my heart, my boys showed up. Of course getting love from 10 year old boys is much different than getting love from 10 year old girls. They asked for "the game" and played on it for a long while. (Temple run. It's universal.) I was inside talking to a new mzungu friend that is staying at mama's house when my son came in. Teko Brian is sweet and shy. He hardly ever initiates conversation with me so you can imagine my surprise when he lets himself inside Julie's room and announces in a loud voice, "I'm sick." He walked straight to me and sat down and rested up against me. He was burning up and coughing through his words but he was telling me what was wrong and he was letting me mother him and love on him. This is a big deal. A really big deal. I gave him some fever reducer and told him that I would be at school in the morning to take him to the doctor. (This fever and cough have been going on too long. I am going to take him myself this time and probably annoy the heck out of the doctor but at least I will hear straight from his mouth what is going on.) I told him I loved him and I was sorry that he was sick, and that I was going to make sure he got better because that is what mamas do! He sat there for a while and just rested against me and let me hold him for a few minutes. He didn't even care that his friends Ausman and Peter were watching him. Thankfully they didn't tease him, and he didn't move. There are some gifts God gives us that we will never get over! Thank you Jesus for that priceless gift! How I pray he knows I love him and feels as loved from me as I did from him today. How I pray even more that he knows that his Heavenly father's love far outweighs any love I could ever give him.

I could sit here all night writing to you about the different gifts that the Lord has given me since I have been here that I will never get over. There comes a point, or many points, in your life where you realize that God's good gifts are not dependent on your good works, God's love isn't shaken by your sin, and God's faithfulness remains the same even when we are completely faithless. The lord has to continuously remind me of these truths. I'm not sure I will every fully understand them or learn them, but I know that he isn't ever going to stop teaching me. It is a humbling experience to feel the complete weight of your inadequacy and literally watch the complete strength and sufficiency of the Lord and his grace in that. I'm not sure I have ever experienced this more than I have in the past few weeks here. Honestly, there are some gifts God gives us that we will never get over. Praise Him!

Gomas

Last week was full of new experiences. The Gomas was my favorite. I asked all the moms to come wearing Gomas on Wednesday so that we could take pictures and have a fun day. Gomas is the traditional dress around here. There is something regal about a Gomas. It is beautiful! I'm sure you can imagine how happy I was to find that one of the Jajas had brought a Gomas for me!!! 

They helped me put it on and made me look very smart!!! Everyone yelled and clapped and danced for me in my Gomas. It was such a sweet experience. Then we took pictures all afternoon. Oh my. There is just no way to describe how much fun we had! The moms LOVED having their pictures taken. They loved seeing each other having their pictures taken. They loved everything about it! I loved it more. I could have jumped right out of my skin from all of the excitement! I got to take a few of the moms to Mt. Elgon hotel and we took some more pictures and just enjoyed being together. Some friends had ordered too much pizza and they shared it with us so the moms got to try pizza for the first time! At one point in the day Medina grabbed my arm and Grace's arm (because she knows English) and started talking really fast. When she was done Grace translated, "She said this is her first time here, it is my first time too. She said she has never seen a swimming pool, I have not either. She is very happy you brought us here. We all are very happy you brought us here! Thank you!"

I could have died. It was so sweet and they were so happy. The day was perfect. :-) 

New experiences

As many of you know, we had a minor earthquake last night! It wasn't even strong enough to knock anything over so it was kind of fun! We were having evening prayers and the couch started shaking. At first I thought the kid sitting next to me was shaking the couch, then I realized the whole house was shaking. Mama Aidah stopped singing, said "earthquake!" and started singing again as if it were completely normal! That was definitely a new experience. 

Yesterday I was asked if I wanted to help kill the chicken. I said no. I sort of regret saying no, but sort of don't. (<--That one was free.)

Today it rained. I know I'm from Texas but rain isn't THAT foreign to me. What was foreign was the fact that you could see and hear the rain coming toward you. People were terrified and running away from it. It was hilarious! I wish I had a video. It was literally a wall of rain that was white and LOUD. At first I thought the people were overreacting a bit, but then it got closer and I joined the crowd running for cover. It was insane. I literally had JUST made it home when it reached me. It poured so hard you couldn't see anything but rain and the lake it was forming in the courtyard. It was crazy. 

Well, those are my new experiences lately. Hope you are as entertained as I was! 

He held my hand...

He held my hand and everyone cried. It was the right thing to do for him, but we had to leave 4 other children alone in a home with no parents, not even an adult. The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 7. As we drove away we all were hating ourselves for just walking away, but we didn't have another option. 

His father died before we met him and his mother died last month. When he went home for the burial he never came back. He didn't want to leave his siblings alone and I don't blame him. He also doesn't have a very good living environment here and was afraid of coming back. After talking with relatives and family friends we all decided that bringing him back was best, but it wasn't easy. We weren't aware of how many children were there living alone. Or that they were honestly living completely alone. Sometimes a friend of their mother comes to check on them, but she has her own family and can't be there all the time. 

So yesterday we drove away from 4 children under the age of 13 living completely alone to bring their brother to a place that offers education and a future but for the moment, an unstable living environment. He held my hand and we cried. He tried not to cry in front of us, but he was hurting. Eventually I got him to talk to me a little. We stopped and got cokes and snacks and I let him listen to my music with me. But when we reached his village here, he tensed up and held my hand as tight as he could. I knew he didn't want to go back. I knew I would do everything I could to move him somewhere safe and comfortable, but he had to go. Every turn we made he gripped my hand a little tighter until finally the van stopped. He looked at me in hesitation and then got out and said goodbye. I don't know what will happen to those sweet children but I do know that God is good and that he will make a way. Pray with me for these kids please. They need a home.