Because I can! :-)

I'm going to tell you about some of my kids today. Because I can! No really, I get to do this and by now I've already sucked you in so you're going to read the rest of this because you just HAVE to know what I'm going to say. I know. You're welcome.

Ana

I'll start with this little princess since I'm sure you have seen her pictures and all my facebook posts. What can I say? She is my baby girl! She is a princess, a diva, and she is so smart. She shares my number one love language, which means we get lots of cuddle time and she loves to give kisses! She is stubborn and independent but loves attention. She is a nurturer so you can find her feeding her baby, telling me when and what to eat and drink, and saving her friends lives. (Yes, there is a story behind that one. I'll find the video and write a blog about it soon!) Basically she's pretty awesome. 

Did I mention she's a princess?! And oh so cute. :-)

Chede

This picture pretty much sums it up. She is my little ham. She's funny and she knows it! Also bossy just like her Mzungu mama! Usually the first thing out of her mouth when she sees me is, "I want to to go to the swimming pool!" She has a huge heart and she mothers (or bosses!) everyone. She is so smart and she's very proud of her school work. I have loved seeing her grow up! Sometimes I look at pictures from when I first met her and I can't believe how much she has changed and grown! Love this girl. 

Solomon

Can you say precious?! Solomon is friendly. I don't know how else to describe this kid. He is pretty easy going, but he can still hold his own around his sisters. This kid has some lungs on him. He can scream for days, and he will if he isn't getting the attention he wants! I hear he has started standing on his own and should be walking soon! I get the feeling he is going to be a handful when he's fully mobile! Look out world. 

Alepele 

Beautiful girl. She is a joy to be around. She takes a while to warm up to people sometimes, but when she does she loves completely. She is such a faithful caretaker to her siblings. Alepele starts school in February and she is so excited. I am too! I can't wait to see what the future holds for this strong little girl. I also can't wait to be able to have longer conversations with her as her english improves! Once I asked her if she was my first born and she looked at me like I was stupid. Then she laughed and said yes to make me happy. :-) Sweet girl. Bless her. 

Teko Brian

Look out ladies! This guy is so handsome. And he has the brains too! He is number one in his class and he intends to stay there. He wants to be a pilot someday, and fly me around of course. (Ok, maybe he didn't say that exactly, but he meant to, I promise.) He is a little quiet at first but he is so much fun once he warms up to you. He loves playing soccer and hanging out with his friends in Namatala. This is one cool kid! Looking smart Teko!


Well this is enough for today. Stay tuned for more cool people and maybe a video about Ana saving her friend's life. Have a fabulous weekend y'all!

I lost my joy

I lost my joy. I know people aren't really supposed to say that. Especially missionaries. So it may make you uncomfortable, but I'm ok with that. 

I wasn't honest with myself about it for a while. I just know I woke up one day and realized that all of these little individual things that had gone wrong and made me unhappy were part of a much larger problem. 

I realized I had lost my joy. Joy and happiness are not the same thing. Joy sustains. Happiness is fleeting and deceiving. I knew this. I've known this for years. I'm a missionary! I'm supposed to know this and never ever forget it. Heaven forbid people find out I'm not perfect because I admit I lost my joy. 

James 1:2-4 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (ESV)

This is practically the missionary anthem. 

Count it pure joy when nothing works the way it is supposed to because, TIA. 

Count it pure joy when you can't get anything done due to language barriers. 

Count it pure joy when you lose an entire weeks worth of work because of rain. 

Count it pure joy when the people God sent you to turn their backs on you and accuse you of things you know nothing about. 

Count it pure joy when all of your friends move away. 

Count it pure joy when you are the friend leaving unexpectedly without a proper goodbye. 

At some point our joy gets lost in all the hard if we forget where that joy comes from or neglect The One that gives it freely. 

For me, it was a lack of Gods living and active word in my life. 

I wasn't in the word to be reminded that, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." (James 1:5-6 ESV) 

I wasn't in the word to be reminded that even Paul had a thorn in his flesh. Or to understand that God chose not to remove that thorn but to give his sufficient grace instead. Oh if I had stopped to take that in. His grace is enough. It's something I say a lot. I know this truth. But the temptation to believe the lie that God's grace was for someone else grew too strong when I wasn't in the word to read the truth. (2 Corinthians 12)

Not only did I lose the ability to accept the grace extended to me freely, but eventually I started forgetting how we received that grace altogether. 

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:1-10 ESV)

What a thing to forget. It's devastating what a lack of truth in our lives can do. We rob ourselves of our joy when we disconnect ourselves from The One who loves us with a fierce love. The One that supplies and sustains our joy. 

Praise God for his relentless love and pursuance of our hearts. 

I was in a really dark place y'all. I believe that God used me despite myself in this time, but I know I missed out on so much. I know I don't have to share this story. Some might even say I shouldn't have. But I believe that God can and will use it for His glory. That's worth the risk for me. 

I returned to the word. I returned to The One who holds my joy, and I found it in nail pierced hands waiting to receive me with love, mercy, and grace. 

Return today friend. He is waiting for you with those same hands.